Then I Saw the Cheesecake

Weight: 172

I went to my longarm quilting meeting last night and I had prepared myself ahead of time not to eat the snacks everyone brings, by eating a nice tuna salad for dinner, and Greek yogurt, which I adore.

Someone brought cucumbers with homemade dipping sauce, there was a shrimp salad, chicken salad, pizza, and some sort of aromatic skinny twisty bread.  I was OK with all of that.  Then I saw the cheesecake.

And I just had to have “some”….and I also put all of the other things on my plate, too…hey, they are low carb/high fat and allowed, right?

So, I am up 2 entire pounds this morning, feeling incredibly full, and disappointed in myself.  I know at least a pound will come off by tomorrow, as water weight, but now I’m a total of 4 pounds over LIW and I am no longer close to the high 160’s, which felt wonderful.  I worry that my clothes, which now reveal my shape, will show off the indiscretions, and the true me, the fraud, will be found out.

It’s not so much the weight…or is it?  There’s something scary about “revealing” myself.  What does it mean to “be thin”..?

OK, hmm…that’s a good question.  It means that you can do anything you want to do, that you are in charge of your life, that you are attractive, that you make the right decisions, that you have your life together, that you can wear anything you want, you have a great job, and that you are fulfilled.

Not:  overwhelmed, messy, nagging sense of insecurity, confused about the direction in your life, too harried to enjoy the process, worried about making life altering changes….or feeling like this is the last time you’ll ever taste cheesecake.

Talk about revealing.