Round 2 – Phase 3: First Week Summary – 171.5

Weight: 171.5

What a week.

It sure seems longer than a week since I started Phase 3, the low carb phase.  I sure haven’t been very successful in not eating carbs.  So, I guess it’s no surprise that I’m over the 2 pound allowable variance from the LIW.  For eating carbs, maybe it’s a surprise that I’m only 1.5 pounds over that!

Looking back over my logs, though, it’s a bit disappointing to see that I am the same weight I was on Day 12 of VLCD.  I really dislike doing things over, and I want the next round to be my last!  If I “only” get rid of 10 pounds next round, then I will probably need to do a 4th.

The week ending the diet and this entire time of P3 has been a really stressful time, and difficult to focus on the protocol.  That’s frustrating and disappointing, since I think I focused very well in the first 2 weeks.  I’ve discovered a few things about my own assumptions and perceptions, though, and I need to delve into those further.

On the positive side, though, I have 2 more weeks of low carb, which means my weight might come back in line with the LIW.  No matter how I look at it, I am not defeated!  I have made great gains in my health and there are still many changes, physically, mentally, and spiritually, to come.

Then I Saw the Cheesecake

Weight: 172

I went to my longarm quilting meeting last night and I had prepared myself ahead of time not to eat the snacks everyone brings, by eating a nice tuna salad for dinner, and Greek yogurt, which I adore.

Someone brought cucumbers with homemade dipping sauce, there was a shrimp salad, chicken salad, pizza, and some sort of aromatic skinny twisty bread.  I was OK with all of that.  Then I saw the cheesecake.

And I just had to have “some”….and I also put all of the other things on my plate, too…hey, they are low carb/high fat and allowed, right?

So, I am up 2 entire pounds this morning, feeling incredibly full, and disappointed in myself.  I know at least a pound will come off by tomorrow, as water weight, but now I’m a total of 4 pounds over LIW and I am no longer close to the high 160’s, which felt wonderful.  I worry that my clothes, which now reveal my shape, will show off the indiscretions, and the true me, the fraud, will be found out.

It’s not so much the weight…or is it?  There’s something scary about “revealing” myself.  What does it mean to “be thin”..?

OK, hmm…that’s a good question.  It means that you can do anything you want to do, that you are in charge of your life, that you are attractive, that you make the right decisions, that you have your life together, that you can wear anything you want, you have a great job, and that you are fulfilled.

Not:  overwhelmed, messy, nagging sense of insecurity, confused about the direction in your life, too harried to enjoy the process, worried about making life altering changes….or feeling like this is the last time you’ll ever taste cheesecake.

Talk about revealing.

Round 2, Phase 3

Weight: 170

While I’m within the 2 pound range of acceptable variance from the LIW on the protocol, this weight is unacceptable.

The reason it’s unacceptable is my behavior.

I have been eating way too much for the past few days, yesterday I was even at 171.  So I’m glad I’m down a pound from yesterday, now I need to continue some discipline in my eating habits to get back to 168.  But more importantly, I need to figure out what I’m feeding, not just what I’m eating.

Round 2, Phase 3 - stabilizing

Weight: 169

I’m glad to see that my weight changed by only .5 pounds from yesterday.  While I was out running errands, I stopped to eat lunch at a deli.  I chose their baked chicken breast and a broccoli salad which had who-knows-what kind of carbs!

While protocol says not to have carbs during this lock-in phase, I have definitely had them, and not just the hidden ones, as in the broccoli salad.  So, I’ve felt really lucky that my weight hasn’t been all over the place!

An interesting observation that I had yesterday during my day, is that I got noticed three different times by men.  I’ve been married for 12 years to a wonderful husband, and I have not really had other men pay attention to me, nor have I wanted them to.  I may need to figure out how to handle that sort of attention now; I wasn’t prepared for that!

One encounter especially stuck with me during the day.  A gentleman struck up a conversation while waiting for our coffee drinks to be made, and I said I like mine “plain” without all the extra flavorings, to keep my sugar intake down.  He was a thin man and was dumping a bunch of sugar in his coffee as I made that comment, and he said something to the effect of “I need the sugar”, to which I replied “yes, but you are thin”.  He looked straight at me and said “but so are you!”.

My initial reaction was to deny this assertion, but I didn’t because I had commented on this sort of denial the other day in my blog; I have become consciously aware that what other people see is not what I feel, or even know about my own body.  So, this was good “practice” in not denying the “new” fact of my being thin, but I did mumble something about “I’m still losing”.  So, I still have a ways to go in becoming comfortable with the “new me”.