Day 29

Weight:  178

I’m not surprised that my weight went up a .5 pound.  I cheated.

I confess, I cheated!  For the first time I consciously ate something I shouldn’t have, that wasn’t even close to being on the list!  I ate a homemade brownie from the plate I had prepared for my neighbor.  And I finally felt satiated…for about 30 minutes.

I was still unsatisfied after lunch and I am tired of being hungry!  And it was there!

OK, so my hunger is not like that of those people in far away places for whom Sally Struthers is always asking for your donation, who are really starving and have no food available; it comes from the privileged American experience of having any food item I want.

So, let me tell you what happens when you have sugar (and fat?) that you shouldn’t have while on this protocol.

• You get lethargic, and have that feeling in your knees that is somewhat like jelly, where you think you may have to stay seated, while your logical mind says “stand up”!
• Your focus changes, you feel scattered.  Rather than having the energy to work on a project that you’ve been planning, you can’t concentrate, avoid it, and can’t do anything else, either.
• No ideas sound good.
• Water doesn’t get consumed.
• Guilt sets in, accompanied by the familiar self doubt, self flagellation and fear.

This is a complete opposite of the experience I’ve had while on this diet so far.  I’ve had energy, I’ve been focused, I’m making plans, I’m sleeping really well, I feel great!

So, what have I learned?

1. I felt drugged – reminder:  sugar is a drug.
2. I don’t like feeling lethargic or like my knees are full of jelly.
3. My time is too precious to feel unmotivated to do the things I really love.
4. I need to work on figuring out what I fear, and then do something about it.

I learned a long time ago that guilt is useless, unless you are going to change your behavior.  Otherwise, quit feeling guilty and acknowledge that you are behaving in accordance with your values.  If you are not behaving in accordance with your values, then fix the conflict by either changing the behavior or change the value.  The easiest fix is to change the behavior.

So, today is a new day, and I still have 11 days left to reach achieve a healthier weight, which will still be very close to my goal weight.  The number on the scale isn’t what’s ultimately important, it’s my health and how I feel that is important.

I am not going to let one stinking brownie be my downfall, but it can serve as a reminder.  The weight loss itself is only the first lesson.