R6P2VLCD2 - 170

Weight:  170

Unbelievable.  That’s my reaction to the number  on the scale.

In my defense, I’ve been in the high 160’s over the last 2-3 weeks.  I just came back from a quilting conference that would include restaurant food, and family reunion at the end of the week where I new there would be a TON of food.  So, I waited to do this round so I wouldn’t have to fight that kind of temptation and set myself up for defeat.  Instead, I used it as my loading weekend, and I’m starting my 6th round.

I didn’t have access to a scale but once, but without the consistency of using the same scale, I can only guess that I’ve lost 2 pounds from loading.  I’ll take it!

I looked back at my records, and I’m at the same weight I was in March.  That would be discouraging if the information was taken at face value, but I’ve had a couple of conversations recently about the weight gain I’ve experienced over the summer, which have been enlightening.

The initial gains occurred 2-3 pounds at a time, and not with intention, but circumstantially (not knowing food contents at a birthday party; poor planning for a shopping trip) but when the weight didn’t come off after that, I started mentally slipping.  I’m still working through that, but the main idea that surfaced was old beliefs…that I’m not worthy of this.

Fill in the blank to what “this” is, but the feeling of not being good enough is nothing new.  No matter where these beliefs or feelings came from, this is now my main enemy, not food.

I hesitated to use the word enemy, but upon reflection, that’s really an apt description.  One definition of enemy is “a hostile state”.  That belief works against me, doesn’t support any personal growth or peace of mind.  It is my enemy and I will not avoid it, I will confront it, and I will conquer it.

I deserve freedom from this feeling, this old, inaccurate, belief.